Today I want to talk about a topic that we can all relate to: gossip.  The reason this is important is because you probably have no idea how it’s affecting your accountant brain.

The truth is, we’ve all been there: sitting with a friend or coworker, sharing the latest juicy news about someone we know. Gossiping has become such a common part of our culture that it often feels like a natural and harmless way to bond with others.

Think about the last time you gossiped. Maybe you were talking about a celebrity’s latest scandal or sharing some drama about a difficult coworker. It might have felt exciting to share that piece of information, and you probably felt a sense of connection with the person you were talking to.

I remember a time when I used to gossip frequently. It seemed like a fun and easy way to pass the time and connect with friends. We would sit around and exchange stories about other people, feeling a mix of excitement and camaraderie.

In fact, I was in a book club for years that eventually morphed into discussing more about the biggest pain in the ass in the PTA and less about the book we had chosen.

At first, it didn’t seem like a big deal. Everyone does it, right? Sharing a bit of gossip felt like a harmless indulgence, a small pleasure that added a bit of spice to our conversations.

However, I started to notice something unsettling. After a gossip session, I often felt a bit uneasy. There was a lingering sense of guilt or discomfort, as if I had crossed a line without fully realizing it.

It made me wonder why something that felt so normal could leave me feeling bad afterward. I began to pay more attention to the effects gossip had on me and those around me. I noticed that it sometimes created tension and distrust, even among close friends.

But let’s face it – the excitement of gossip is undeniable. It’s thrilling to be “in the know” and to share that knowledge with others. But the truth is that that thrill is fleeting, and the aftermath can be less enjoyable.

Looking back, I can see that gossip often served as a distraction from my own life. It was easier to focus on someone else’s drama than to deal with my own challenges. But this avoidance didn’t solve any problems; it just postponed facing them.

As I reflected more, I realized that gossip didn’t just affect my relationships; it also had a subtle but significant impact on my own well-being. It fed into a cycle of negativity that was hard to break. The more I gossiped, the more I found myself looking for faults and flaws in others.

Here’s the thing – gossip can seem like a minor, inconsequential habit, but its effects can be far-reaching. It can shape the way we see the world and interact with the people around us. What starts as a seemingly harmless conversation can end up fostering negativity and mistrust.

So, while gossip may be a common and even enjoyable part of our culture, it’s important to understand why we engage in it and the deeper reasons behind our actions. Let’s start with  why we gossip.

Why We Gossip

Gossip is something many of us do without thinking twice. It’s pretty normal in social interactions and often feels like a harmless way to connect with others.

The thing is, when you’re chatting with friends or colleagues, sharing a bit of gossip can seem like a natural part of the conversation. It’s so ingrained in our culture that it doesn’t feel like a big deal.

I remember attending Al-Anon meetings years ago to cope with the effects of my ex-husband’s alcoholism. At the end of each meeting, they would read a statement reminding everyone to avoid gossip and criticism.

I remember being struck by that statement the first time I heard it.  This simple message had a profound impact on me. It made me realize how often I gossiped without considering its consequences.

Before those meetings, I saw gossip as an innocent part of life. It felt like something everyone did, especially when we got together with friends or coworkers.

Sharing the latest news about someone else seemed like a way to bond and fill the conversation. I never thought of it as harmful.

The truth is, gossip provides a psychological escape. When we talk about someone else’s drama, it’s a way to momentarily forget about our own problems.

It distracts us and gives us something interesting to discuss. For a few moments, we can focus on someone else’s life instead of our own challenges.

There’s also a chemical reason why we gossip. When we share gossip, our brain releases dopamine, which makes us feel good.

This is the same chemical that gets released when we eat our favorite food or win a game. That little rush of pleasure encourages us to keep gossiping because our brain craves that feeling.

But while gossip can feel exciting and enjoyable in the moment, it’s important to recognize its underlying motivations. The truth is that it’s a way to seek short-term pleasure and distraction.

This temporary high can make us overlook the long-term negative effects gossip can have on our relationships and our own well-being. In the end, understanding why we gossip can help us make more mindful choices about our conversations.

While it may seem like a harmless part of socializing, it’s worth considering the impact it has on ourselves and those around us. 

Now that we’ve explored why we gossip, let’s dive deeper into the science behind it. Understanding how our brains are wired for gossip can shed light on why it feels so irresistible.

Your Brain’s Role in Gossip

It’s important to understand that gossip might feel like a casual conversation, but your brain has a natural inclination towards it. It’s not just a social habit; it’s rooted in how our brains are wired.

When you gossip, your brain’s reward system is activated. Like I said before, this releases dopamine, the same chemical that makes you feel good when you eat your favorite food or achieve something exciting.

This dopamine release makes gossip feel pleasurable. Your brain craves that little burst of happiness, encouraging you to keep gossiping.

Gossip also plays a role in social bonding. When we share gossip, it can create a sense of connection and strengthen group cohesion.

This social bonding is important because humans are naturally social creatures. Our brains are wired to seek out and maintain relationships.

From an evolutionary perspective, gossip helped our ancestors survive. Think about it – sharing important social information about who could be trusted and who couldn’t was crucial for staying safe and thriving in a community.

Understanding who was reliable and who wasn’t helped our ancestors make better decisions. This kind of social knowledge was key to survival in a group setting.

Gossip also helps your brain resolve conflicting emotions. This process is known as cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort you feel when you hold two conflicting beliefs or attitudes. For example, if you believe in being honest but find yourself gossiping about a friend, you might justify the gossip to ease the discomfort by thinking, “They deserve it for how they treated me.”

When you gossip, it can help justify your own actions or feelings. If you feel jealous or insecure, gossiping about someone else can make you feel better about your own situation.

This justification can temporarily ease the discomfort of conflicting emotions. Your brain uses gossip as a way to balance out these feelings.

The bottom line is that gossip isn’t just idle chatter. It’s deeply rooted in how our brains function, from seeking pleasure to bonding with others and navigating social dynamics.

Understanding your brain’s role in gossip can help you see why it’s so tempting. Recognizing this can also make you more mindful of the effects gossip has on your mind and relationships.

With this understanding of how gossip activates our brain’s reward system, let’s now consider the specific impact this has on you as an accountant. How does gossip shape your thinking, and what does that mean for your work and well-being?

How Gossip Affects Your Accountant Brain

Many people believe gossip is just sharing facts about someone else. It seems innocent enough, but this belief can be misleading.

When you gossip, you might think you’re simply informing others. In reality, the motivation behind gossip is often to make yourself feel better temporarily.

The truth is that gossip works as a buffer, similar to behaviors like overeating or overspending. It’s a way to distract yourself from your own problems and emotions by focusing on someone else’s life.

It’s also important to understand that your brain is wired with what’s called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) that filters what you notice in the world. Gossip trains your RAS to focus on negativity, making you more attuned to the flaws and mistakes of others.

Think about it like this: if you decide you want a specific car, suddenly you see that car everywhere. That’s your RAS in action, highlighting what you’ve told it is important.

The same thing happens with gossip. When you habitually gossip, your brain starts to notice more negative things because that’s what you’ve trained it to focus on.

As an accountant, this can be particularly harmful. Constantly looking for drama and negativity can make you more critical and less objective, impacting your ability to work accurately and effectively. It can create an environment of distrust and tension, affecting teamwork and client relationships.

Unfortunately, this focus on negativity can have a long-term impact on your outlook on life. It makes you more likely to see and dwell on the negative aspects of your own life and the world around you.

Over time, this negative focus can affect your mental health and relationships. It can lead to a more pessimistic and critical view of everything.

If you’ve ever been around someone who is notorious for gossiping, I’m going to bet they’re pretty pessimistic and have a critical view of everything and everyone.  If you are that someone who is notorious for gossiping, it’s probably time to pay attention.

The bottom line is that gossip might seem harmless, but it has significant effects on your brain. By understanding how gossip impacts your focus and outlook, you can begin to see why it’s worth curbing this habit.

Now that you understand how gossip can negatively impact your brain, let’s explore how these effects can play out in your day-to-day work as an accountant, potentially leading to some serious professional consequences.

The Hidden Dangers of Gossip in Your Accounting Career

Gossip might seem like harmless talk, but it can create problems in your work life that you might not expect. Let’s look at a few ways gossip could cause trouble for your accounting career.

Slipping Work Performance: Imagine you’re reviewing important financial statements. But instead of focusing, your mind keeps wandering to the latest office gossip. This distraction doesn’t just slow you down—it increases the chance of making mistakes. In accounting, even small errors can lead to big problems for your clients and your reputation.

Losing Client Trust: What if a client hears that you’ve been talking about other clients or coworkers behind their backs? They might start to worry if their own private information is safe with you. Even just the idea that you gossip can make clients lose trust, causing them to hold back important information or take their business elsewhere.

Harming Teamwork: Gossip can also create a negative atmosphere at work. When people feel like they might be the subject of gossip, trust breaks down, and teamwork suffers. Instead of sharing information and working together, colleagues might start keeping things to themselves, leading to poor communication and less effective work. This can turn the workplace into a tense, stressful environment.

Holding Back Your Career: Lastly, think about how gossip could hurt your chances of moving up in your career. Managers and leaders pay attention to how you behave. If they see you as someone who spreads negativity, they might pass you over for promotions or important projects. Your reputation as a gossiper could stop you from getting the opportunities you deserve.

These examples show how gossip, even though it seems small, can have big consequences for your work life. What feels like a little fun in the moment can actually cause serious damage to your career and well-being. Knowing these risks is the first step to making better choices at work.

Seeing how gossip can harm your career and well-being, it’s clear that taking steps to reduce this habit is crucial. Let’s look at some practical ways you can cut down on gossip and create a more positive environment for yourself and others.

How to Reduce Gossip

Here are some steps to help you reduce gossip:

Self-Reflection: Recognize the emotions driving your desire to gossip. Common emotions that might lead someone to gossip include jealousy, resentment, boredom, and insecurity. This step involves looking inward to understand why you feel the urge to gossip in the first place.

Evaluate Relationships: Assess your friendships and workplace relationships. Determine if these connections are based on genuine mutual respect or if they are fueled by shared gossip.

Positive vs. Negative Motivations: Reflect on whether your conversation is driven by love and concern or by boredom, annoyance, or insecurity.

Manage Your Mind: Your thoughts create your feelings and your feelings drive your behaviors, so start to become more aware of the thoughts your brain is offering you.  If you feel the pressure to gossip, what is the thought causing you to feel pressure?

Notice Patterns and Triggers: Pay attention to the situations and emotions that lead you to gossip. Are there certain people that trigger you gossiping more than others?  Recognizing these can help you avoid gossiping.

Choose Positive Connections: Build relationships based on positive interactions rather than gossip. Who already has stopped gossiping?  Focus on creating meaningful and respectful connections.

Share Positive Attributes: Make a habit of finding and sharing positive things about others. Highlighting good qualities instead of negative ones can improve your outlook and relationships.

By following these steps, you’ll not only feel better about yourself but also improve your relationships. The bottom line is that replacing gossip with positivity can create a ripple effect of kindness and respect in your life.

Becoming a Smarter Accountant: Reducing Gossip

Now let me share an example of a coaching client who wanted to learn how to reduce gossip.  

She was a well-respected accountant at a mid-sized firm, however, she had a habit of gossiping, sharing tidbits about clients or colleagues during coffee breaks to feel connected.

Over time, she noticed the office environment becoming more tense and less collaborative. Her relationships with colleagues suffered, and she could sense growing mistrust as some started to avoid her.

One day, she overheard colleagues whispering about a confidential client matter she had mentioned. She realized that her gossip had led to a breach of confidentiality and she felt a wave of guilt and anxiety.

She came to me at one of her coaching sessions explaining what happened and looking at why she felt the need to gossip. She recognized feelings of boredom, insecurity, and a desire to fit in were often behind her actions.

She began practicing emotional awareness, paying attention to her feelings before engaging in conversations. By shifting her motivations from negative emotions to positive ones, she made a conscious effort to avoid gossip triggers.

She also worked on becoming more aware of her thoughts and emotions. Whenever she felt the urge to gossip, she made an effort to share something positive about the person instead.

Over time, she noticed significant improvements in her work environment. Her relationships with colleagues improved as they saw her as more trustworthy and respectful.

The office atmosphere became more collaborative and supportive, with less tension and more open communication. She also found that she was more focused and productive at work.

Each time she was tempted to gossip she reminded herself that it wasn’t worth the after effects.  She noticed she also started to feel more positive and energized, and that that was having an impact on how she felt about all aspects of her professional and personal life.

So hopefully you can see that although gossip is common, it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be.  When you learn what’s driving you to gossip, you can get a better handle on it, helping you to be a better accountant and a better person.  

Key Takeaway and Action Item

Gossip might seem like a harmless way to connect with others, but it can actually have a big impact on your professional relationships, your mental health, and how you view the world. By understanding why we gossip and how it affects our brains, you can start to see the downsides of this habit. 

Learning to recognize the emotions that drive you to gossip and replacing negative talk with positive interactions can help you create a more positive and productive environment at work and in your personal life.

For this week, ask yourself, “How does engaging in gossip affect my relationships and my own mindset, and what steps can I take to focus on more positive and constructive interactions?”

Well, that’s what I have for you.  Thank you for joining me as I discussed how gossip is affecting your accountant brain.  I hope you’ve gained valuable insights and practical tools.

As I share all the time, you worked hard to become an accountant; it’s time to make it easier to be one.

If you are struggling with any aspect of being an accountant, you can simply go to www.thesmarteraccountant.com/calendar and book a free session with me.

And make sure you check back each week as I help you go from being a stressed accountant to a Smarter Accountant.

Make sure you go to www.thesmarteraccountant.com and take The Smarter Accountant Quiz. You’re going to want to know if you’ve been underutilizing your accountant brain so that you have a starting point for becoming a Smarter Accountant..

Also, I would appreciate it if you could get the word out to other accountants about this podcast.  The more accountants find out about it, the more we can begin to change the narrative in the accounting profession.

The truth is that you’re already smart, but this podcast will show you how to be smarter.