Today, I want to talk about something that affects us all: handling other people’s opinions. This topic is important because, let’s face it, we’re constantly bombarded with what others think, whether it’s about us or everything around us. 

Think about it: whether it’s a client questioning your expertise or a friend criticizing your career choices, everyone has opinions and sometimes they can really get under your skin. But here’s the thing – knowing how to handle other people’s opinions can make all the difference in how we feel and how we navigate our professional and personal lives.

In today’s world, where social media fills every corner of our lives, opinions are everywhere. Whether it’s a viral meme or a serious political debate, it feels like everyone has something to add. 

And as the old saying goes, “Opinions are like… well, you know.” It’s true, isn’t it? Nowadays, it feels like everyone’s got an opinion, and unfortunately, they’re often pretty negative. 

Whether it’s a snarky comment on your latest LinkedIn post or a political sign on your neighbor’s lawn, it’s hard not to feel overwhelmed when our opinion differs and we feel attacked or defensive. It’s like we’re constantly dodging verbal bullets in a never-ending opinion war.

Of course it’s important to be able to speak your mind and have your own likes and dislikes. But lately, it seems like everyone’s opinions aren’t just sparking friendly debates – they’re causing major rifts. 

Kids are getting bullied, teens are feeling isolated, and adults are even breaking off relationships, all because of what someone else thinks. It’s like opinions have become weapons, leaving us feeling more divided than ever.

The truth is that opinions are also like fingerprints – no two are exactly alike. And just as, for example, we wouldn’t expect every client’s financial situation to be identical, we can’t expect everyone to share the same thoughts and beliefs that we have. 

As accountants, we understand the importance of considering multiple viewpoints and weighing options before making informed decisions. So why should handling other people’s opinions be any different?

Well today I want to discuss what I call “opinion management”, helping you to understand the psychology behind why we care so much about what others think, and practical tips for maintaining your sanity in the face of other people’s opinions.  

Handling Other People’s Opinions of You

Let’s start by dealing with what others think about you. We’ve all heard the saying, “What you think of me is none of my business,” but let’s face it – it’s easier said than done. 

In today’s world, where social media rules and everyone’s got a platform to share their thoughts, handling other people’s opinions can feel like a nasty game of dodgeball.

It’s like everything about us – from our appearance and choices to our actions and inactions – is under a microscope, waiting to be judged by anyone and everyone. And let’s not forget about our own opinions on everything under the sun – they’re fair game for criticism too.

Let’s be honest, it’s hard not to let other people’s opinions get to us. After all, we’re only human, and nobody likes feeling judged or criticized.

But here’s the thing – just because someone has an opinion about us doesn’t mean it’s true or valid. The truth is that people see us through their own lenses, colored by their experiences, biases, and insecurities. So why let their perspective dictate how we feel about ourselves?

Sure, it’s easier said than done, but learning to brush off other people’s opinions and stay true to ourselves is key. After all, we’re the ones living our lives, not them. 

I also think it’s a common struggle among many accountants to feel the pressure to mold ourselves into what we think others want us to be. It’s like we’re constantly walking on eggshells, afraid of stepping out of line and facing disapproval.

Think about it: have you ever held back from pursuing your dreams because you were worried about what others might think?  When I decided I wanted to write my book, it took me a while to get the courage to tell people about it because I was afraid that others would think it was crazy; I’m an accountant, not an author.

Plus, I had the opinion of my eleventh grade English teacher still in my head.  He once told me it was a good thing I was going to study accounting because I wasn’t very good at writing.

His opinion was still swirling around in my brain 40 years later!  Pretty amazing, right?

What about you?  Where have other people’s opinions of you held you back?  Maybe you didn’t go after that promotion because you were afraid of failing in front of your colleagues. Or you might have hesitated to voice your ideas during a meeting because you didn’t want to rock the boat.

I recently had an HR issue at work and hesitated speaking up because I was worried what my coworkers would think if I did.  I finally decided that being true to myself was more important than the negative opinions others might have about me.

Your Brain’s Role In Handling Other People’s Opinions Of You

But it’s a tricky cycle to break free from. Especially when our brain is wired with a tribe mentality and is constantly seeking validation from others.

In fact, not being accepted by the tribe is life-threatening to our primitive brain.  If you think about it, when humans lived in caves, being ostracized from the tribe meant certain death, and that primitive part of our brain is still running our lives 80 – 90% of the time.

Unfortunately, when we seek validation from others to feel confident in ourselves, we end up sacrificing what’s true for us.  Sometimes we play it safe, staying within the confines of what we think others expect of us, rather than taking risks and pursuing what truly lights us up.

And it’s not just the big decisions that are affected. Even the smallest choices, like trying a different haircut or rooting for a particular sports team, can keep us from taking action out of a fear of judgment from others. 

The interesting thing is that most of the time, the opinions we’re so worried about are just our perception, not factual.  In other words, we assume that others will disapprove of us, even when there’s no evidence to support that belief. 

One of my favorite quotes on this subject is by Dita Von Teese: “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” I love this quote because it explains that no matter how good or accomplished you are, there will always be someone who criticizes or dislikes you, and that’s okay.

The main reason I wanted to do this episode is because I think we all need to break free from this cycle of seeking approval and validation from others.  How?  By beginning to trust ourselves and our abilities more. 

When you realize that your own opinion of yourself matters more than what others think of you, that’s when you truly feel liberated. You’re able to let people have their own thoughts about you without feeling the need to prove them wrong or change their minds.

An analogy I like to use with my coaching clients is if someone said they don’t like your blue hair and you don’t have blue hair, you wouldn’t give it a second thought. Their opinion would just be a passing comment, not something that defines who you are. 

On that note, my mentor taught me the saying, “I love letting people be wrong about me.”  I love  this thought because it sets me free from trying to change people’s opinions of me.

The bottom line is that the key to handling other people’s opinions of you is to value your own opinion of yourself more than theirs.  In other words, what you think of you is the only business you need to focus on.

Handling Other People’s Opinions of Everything Else

Now that I’ve shared how to handle other people’s opinions of you, let’s dive into handling other people’s opinions of everything else.  You know that saying, “No two minds think alike”? Well it’s absolutely true, but can often be frustrating.

The analogy I like to use with my coaching clients who are struggling with other people’s opinions is to imagine you’re in a room with ten other people, and there’s a blue chair sitting in the middle. The question is, how many chairs are in the room?

It sounds like a silly question, but it’s actually not.  The answer is ten.  How?  Because if you ask each person to describe the chair, you’ll get ten different answers. 

Some might love the color, others might find it tacky. Some might think it’s comfy, while others find it too stiff. It’s like everyone’s wearing their own unique pair of glasses, tinted by their personal experiences and preferences about that chair.

The truth is that we can all look at the same person, situation, or thing, and have completely different perspectives.  From politics to parenting choices, everyone has a human brain that has a lot of opinions.

Unfortunately, instead of celebrating this diversity of perspectives, it often leads to arguments and rifts between friends, family, and even strangers.

It’s like we’re all looking at the same picture, but seeing completely different things. And those differences in opinion can drive a wedge between us, making it harder to find common ground and come together.

Curiosity Instead Of Condemnation

We’re often so focused on proving ourselves right that we forget to step back and truly understand where others are coming from. My recommendation for my clients is to come from a place of curiosity instead of condemnation.  

It sounds great, but how do you do that?  I suggest you come up with at least 3 reasons why someone might have the opinion they have.  

Just like people on a debate team need to be able to present arguments from both sides of an issue and be able to articulate the opposing viewpoints, it’s helpful to ask yourself what could someone who has a differing opinion be thinking and feeling?  

For example, I was speaking to a coworker who has very strong political views and she was sharing that she had had a big disagreement with a friend with an opposing view.  She said she was considering ending the friendship, since this person was “clearly crazy” based on their disagreement.

When I asked her to come up with 3 reasons why he may have the opinion he has, imagining what he might be thinking and feeling that would make that opinion possible, she visibly relaxed.  She said, “I imagine he loves this country as much as I do, that he was raised to believe a certain way, and that he feels comfortable enough with me to express his opinion”.

Her brain, like all of ours, just wanted to be right, which meant that if someone’s opinion didn’t match hers, they were wrong.  Thankfully, with a little imagination, she was able to step into her friend’s brain and envision what he might be thinking when he looked at the same “blue chair” in the room.

So, the next time you encounter someone with a different opinion, try to see things from their point of view. Imagine what thoughts might be shaping their beliefs and how those beliefs influence their actions. 

It’s about finding their perspective interesting rather than dismissing it as “crazy” or “wrong.” It’s a small shift in mindset that can lead to greater understanding and harmony in our interactions with others.

Becoming a Smarter Accountant: Effectively Handling Other People’s Opinions

Now let me share how various clients have handled other people’s opinions about them and everything else.

One of my coaching clients worked at a large firm.  She often found herself second-guessing her decisions, seeking validation from her colleagues, and was afraid to voice her opinions during team meetings, fearing judgment and criticism. 

After working together to become a Smarter Accountant, she learned how to trust her own expertise and handle differing opinions without making it mean she was wrong. She began speaking up more confidently in meetings and was surprised to find that her colleagues respected her insights, even when they disagreed.

Another client had always prided himself on his attention to detail and analytical skills. However, when he was promoted to manager in his mid-sized firm, he struggled with delegating tasks and receiving feedback from his team members. 

He often took criticism personally and became defensive when others questioned his decisions. He shared that he often felt attacked when someone’s opinion was different from his.

Once we worked together, he realized that he needed to separate his professional identity from others’ opinions of his work. He learned to listen to constructive feedback without feeling threatened and used it as an opportunity for growth and improvement.

And one of my other clients decided she wanted a career change and to start her own consulting business. While it was a dream come true, she faced skepticism and discouragement from friends and family who doubted her ability to succeed as an entrepreneur. 

We talked a lot about where the naysayers might be coming from, whether it was their own unmet dreams, honest concern for her well-being, or jealousy.  Once she understood that other people’s opinions were about them and not her ability to succeed, she was determined to make it work.  

As she went through The Smarter Accountant Program and was able to successfully handle other people’s opinions, she built a successful consulting practice.  

Hopefully these client’s stories can give you a better idea of the fact that we all struggle with other people’s opinions, but that you can do something so that it doesn’t derail your efforts or your career.  The truth is that when you feel confident and show up authentically, other people’s opinions of you and everything else are interesting, but not a problem. 

Well, that’s what I have for you.  Thank you for joining me as I discussed how to handle other people’s opinions.  I hope you’ve gained valuable insights and practical tools.

If you are struggling with any aspect of being an accountant, you can simply go to www.thesmarteraccountant.com/calendar and book a free session with me.

And make sure you check back each week as I help you go from being a stressed accountant to a Smarter Accountant.

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The truth is that you’re already smart, but this podcast will show you how to be smarter.