Before I get started I wanted to share something that I haven’t in awhile – a testimonial.  I have so many amazing accountants that I get to work with in The Smarter Accountant Programs and I’m always touched by how impactful these programs are on their lives.

Here’s a testimonial from one of my recent clients:

“Thanks to Dawn and working with her I have discovered paradigms about myself that have been holding me back for years. I have lots of work to do but feel I am on the right track in gaining confidence and making life a whole lot easier.  Life doesn’t have to be stressful and hard; Dawn has taught me that.  Dawn’s program is life altering and it can be for you as well.  Her models are incredibly powerful!  Thank you, Dawn, for helping me to be the best version of myself both professionally as a CPA and personally.”

Isn’t that amazing?!  It’s the biggest honor of my professional career to have a positive impact on the lives of my fellow accountants.  It’s why I built my coaching business, wrote my book, and created this podcast; to be a thought leader in this industry and to help all accountants have more sustainable accounting careers.

Well, if you would like to be the best version of yourself both professionally and personally, that starts with taking The Smarter Accountant Quiz at www.thesmarteraccountant.com and then scheduling a 30-minute call with me at www.thesmarteraccountant.com/calendar.

Managing people is one of those things that sounds easier than it actually is. If you’ve ever tried to lead a team, work with a difficult coworker, or even help a client, you know it can be tricky.

You might think the hardest part is getting other people to listen or cooperate. But what if the hardest part is actually something else?

Most of us were never taught how to manage people in a way that really works. We just kind of figure it out as we go.

We watch what others do, we try to be helpful, and we hope it all works out. Sometimes it does. A lot of times, it doesn’t.

There’s often stress, confusion, and frustration. You try to be nice. You try to be clear. But people still don’t do what you expect.

It can start to feel personal. Like maybe something is wrong with you or with them.

And it’s not just at work. Even managing your own kids can feel impossible some days. You ask them to do something simple, and they push back—or ignore you completely.

But here’s something interesting—what if managing people isn’t really about them at all?

That idea might sound a little strange at first. But it’s something I’ve seen again and again.

When things go wrong in our work with other people, it’s easy to point the finger outward. But what I’ve learned is that the real power is actually inside of us.

The way we handle ourselves in those moments makes a huge difference. And I don’t just mean staying calm or keeping a smile on your face.

I mean the way we think, the way we feel, and the way we respond. All of that starts with us—not the other person.

That’s why this topic matters so much. If you’re working with people in any way—or even trying to manage your household—learning how to manage yourself first changes everything.

You don’t need to be the boss to learn how to manage people better. This applies whether you’re leading a team, helping a client, or raising kids who leave their socks everywhere.

And once you understand what’s really going on, you’ll see people differently. You’ll stop wasting energy on things you can’t control.

You’ll start showing up in a way that makes things easier, not harder.

So if you’ve ever felt stuck when dealing with someone difficult, or if you’ve ever wondered why some people are easier to work with than others, keep listening.

There’s something about this way of thinking that can make a big difference—for them, and for you.

Why Managing People Starts With Managing Yourself

If you’ve ever tried to manage anyone—whether it’s a team member, a client, or even your own kids—you know it doesn’t always go smoothly. People don’t always listen, cooperate, or follow through the way you expect. And when that happens, it’s easy to get frustrated and think they need to change.

But here’s the truth: the most effective way to manage other people starts with managing yourself first. That means paying attention to what you’re thinking and feeling, and taking responsibility for how you show up in those moments.

You can’t control what other people do, but you can control how you respond. And that one shift changes everything.

When you focus on managing your own mind and emotions, you stop reacting out of frustration and start responding with clarity. That’s when you become a leader—even if your job title doesn’t say so.

It’s not always easy, but it is possible. And once you understand why this matters, you’ll never look at people management the same way again.

So let’s talk about what makes this so challenging—and why it feels like other people are the problem.

The Real Problem With Blaming Other People

When you believe that someone else is the reason you’re upset, stressed, or frustrated, it feels like you have no control. You’re stuck waiting for them to change so you can feel better.

But here’s the problem with that—it puts all your power in someone else’s hands.

You start reacting instead of thinking clearly. You blame, you shut down, or you get defensive. And even if you don’t say it out loud, you start building a case against the other person in your mind.

This is what’s called emotional childhood. It means you’re letting your emotions be controlled by what someone else says or does.

When you’re in that state, managing people becomes really hard. You can’t lead, guide, or influence anyone when you’re feeling out of control yourself.

And it’s not your fault if you do this—most of us were never taught another way. But that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck there.

There’s a much better way to handle the people around you, and it starts with taking your power back.

Let’s look at the brain science behind managing people because managing your brain changes everything.

The Brain Science Behind Managing People

Your brain’s main job is to keep you safe. It’s always on the lookout for anything that feels like a threat—even if that “threat” is just a coworker’s tone of voice or a client’s email.

When something feels uncomfortable or challenging, your brain can quickly go into fight, flight, or freeze mode. That’s when your heart races, your shoulders tense, and your thinking gets cloudy.

The part of your brain that helps you plan, reason, and stay calm—the prefrontal cortex—gets pushed aside. Instead, the emotional part of your brain takes over and wants to either lash out, shut down, or avoid the situation altogether.

This is completely normal. But it’s not helpful when you’re trying to manage people or handle tough conversations.

If you’re not managing your thoughts, your brain will keep treating everyday challenges like emergencies.

But when you take a pause and manage your own reactions first, you give your thinking brain a chance to come back online. That’s when you can make smart decisions and lead with clarity instead of emotion.

So before you try to manage anyone else, it helps to know what your own brain is doing first.

Let’s make this relatable by sharing what Smarter Accountant management actually looks like and see if it might be helpful for you.

What Smarter Accountant Management Looks Like

Managing people the Smarter Accountant way doesn’t mean being a pushover or ignoring problems. It means staying calm, clear, and grounded—no matter what’s going on around you.

For example, let’s say a team member misses a deadline. Instead of instantly feeling angry or blaming them, you pause and notice what you’re thinking. 

Maybe the thought is, “They don’t care about the work.” Well, how is that thought going to make you feel?  It’s probably going to make you feel frustrated—and that frustration will drive how you speak to them.

Now imagine you manage your thoughts first in that situation. You might choose to think, “Something might have gotten in the way—I’ll find out more.” That shift helps you feel curious instead of upset. And from that place, the conversation will go a lot differently.

Here’s another example: A client sends a rude email. You feel your chest tighten and your brain instantly starts defending itself. The thought might be, “They’re being completely unreasonable.” That thought might make you feel disrespected or angry, which can lead to a defensive or snippy reply.

But with a managed mind, you could choose to think, “They’re probably stressed about something.” That thought can help you feel more grounded and patient, and your reply might actually help calm the situation instead of adding to it.

Or maybe someone on your team keeps asking the same questions over and over. An unmanaged mind might think, “Why can’t they just figure it out already?” That will likely make you feel irritated, and that irritation will come through in your tone or body language.

Now imagine thinking, “Maybe I need to slow down and explain it differently.” That helps you feel more open and helpful—and the other person will pick up on that, too.

Smarter management is about responding on purpose instead of reacting in the moment. It’s about leading from a place of emotional strength, not emotional chaos or emotional childhood.

It also shows up in small, everyday moments. Like how you give feedback. How you handle interruptions. Or how you deal with someone who’s always negative.

When you manage yourself first, people notice. You become the calm in the storm. And that’s what real leadership looks like—whether you’re the one with the title or not.

Now let me share how one of my coaching clients made this shift—and how it changed everything for him.

Becoming a Smarter Accountant: Changing Everything Without Changing Anyone Else

One of my coaching clients came to me feeling totally drained by someone on his team. He said, “He’s lazy, he doesn’t care, and I’m the one picking up the slack.” Every day felt like a battle, and it was starting to affect how he felt about his job.

At first, he was sure the only solution was for the other person to change. He’d tried being nice. He’d tried being direct. Nothing seemed to work, and his frustration kept growing.

So we looked at what was really going on. Not what the other person was doing—but what he was thinking about what the other person was doing. What we uncovered was that his main thought was, “He doesn’t respect me.”

That one thought was making him feel angry, resentful, and stuck. And every time he interacted with him, he showed up with that feeling—without even realizing it.

We worked on shifting that thought to something more helpful. He didn’t jump all the way to “He’s doing a great job,” because that didn’t feel true. But he could believe, “He’s doing the best he can with what he knows.”

That simple shift changed everything. He felt more in control, less triggered, and clearer about how he wanted to lead.

What’s wild is that the other person didn’t actually change—not right away. But my coaching client’s attitude did. His tone changed. His expectations changed. And over time, the team member started showing up differently, too.

It wasn’t magic. It was self-management. It was emotional adulthood and taking responsibility for the thoughts that were making him feel triggered.

And once he saw how much power he had over his own experience, he felt more confident dealing with everyone else—not just that team member.

That’s the beauty of managing your own mind first. The outside world may not change, but your whole experience of it can.

Let’s wrap up with a quick recap of what you’ve learned today.

Key Takeaway and Action Item

We’ve talked about why managing people often feels so frustrating—and why the real issue usually starts with us. When we don’t manage our own minds, we end up reacting instead of leading. We get stuck in blame, stress, and emotional overload.

But when you take a step back and focus on managing yourself first, everything changes. You think more clearly. You respond more calmly. You lead more effectively—even if you’re not in a formal leadership role.

So here’s the question I want you to ask yourself, especially in tough moments:

“Am I managing myself right now?”

This one simple question brings the focus back to where it matters most—you. It helps you pause, take a breath, and decide how you want to show up.

Because the truth is, the most powerful person in the room is the one who knows how to manage their own mind. Not the loudest. Not the one with the title. The one who leads themselves first.

That’s what being a Smarter Accountant is all about.

Okay, as I finish up, let me pull back the curtain and share a personal story of how I had to learn this the hard way too.

Pulling Back the Curtain

Now let me pull back the curtain…

I’ll be honest—this lesson about managing myself before managing others was one I had to learn the hard way. Years ago, I worked with someone who constantly rubbed me the wrong way. She was negative, always had something to complain about, and I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around her.

Every time I saw her name pop up on my calendar, I’d get tense. I’d replay past conversations in my head, imagining how she’d respond to whatever I had to say. I kept thinking, “She’s the problem. If only she would change, everything would be better.”

But nothing changed. In fact, things got worse. I was short with her. I avoided meetings. I vented to coworkers. And truthfully, I wasn’t proud of how I was showing up—but I didn’t know what else to do.

It wasn’t until I started coaching and learning about mind management that I realized what was actually happening. I wasn’t just frustrated with her—I was reacting to the story I was telling myself about her. My thought was, She makes everything harder than it has to be. That thought made me feel annoyed and defensive, which of course shaped how I acted.

Once I saw that it was my thought creating my experience—not her behavior—I had a way forward. I started shifting to a more useful thought, like She’s probably doing the best she can, even if I don’t agree with it. That one thought helped me show up more grounded and less reactive.

And you know what happened? The working relationship got easier. Not perfect, but easier. And it had nothing to do with her changing—it was all because I did.

So if you’re struggling with managing someone, whether it’s a coworker, a team member, a client, or even someone at home, I want you to know—there is a way to feel better without waiting for them to change.

If you haven’t already, go take The Smarter Accountant Quiz at www.thesmarteraccountant.com. And if people management is something you want to feel more confident about, book a free 30-minute call with me at www.thesmarteraccountant.com/calendar.

We’ll talk about what’s really going on and how managing your mind might be the solution you didn’t even know you needed.

And if you know another accountant who’s struggling to deal with a difficult person at work—or maybe just feeling drained by managing others—send them this episode. It might be exactly what they need to hear today.

The truth is, you’re already smart. But this podcast will show you how to be smarter.