Let’s kick off this episode with a few questions that get right to the heart of the matter:

Have you ever felt like something wasn’t fair? It happens to all of us, and figuring out why we feel that way can teach us a lot about ourselves.

How does thinking something is unfair make you feel? Does it affect your mood or how you act? Sometimes, feeling that things are unfair doesn’t just stay in that one moment; it can sneak into how we feel and act in other parts of our lives.

Can you think of a time recently when you thought something was unfair? Maybe it happened at work or in your personal life. Pinpointing these moments helps us understand what’s behind our ideas about fairness, whether it’s in our job or with our friends and family.

Do you make decisions differently when you think something’s unfair? The idea of fairness can actually change how we make choices. It can influence our decisions, making them more about how we feel in the moment than what might be the smartest choice.

How do you usually react when you face something you think is unfair? Everyone has a go-to reaction, whether it’s getting frustrated, getting mad, or taking a step back to think. Exploring these reactions helps us see how we handle tough situations.

In what ways does feeling like something’s unfair affect your relationships, both with friends and at work? The feeling of unfairness isn’t just a solo act; it can affect how we get along with others. Understanding these effects gives us a full picture of how our ideas about fairness shape how we connect with people, whether it’s in our personal life or on the job.

So, as we dive into this episode exploring why things seem unfair and how it plays a part in our lives, these questions are like a map, guiding us to better understand our own thoughts and how they steer our experiences.

Here’s the thing – while things seem inherently fair or unfair, it’s still important to understand why things seem unfair.  Stay tuned because there’s a fascinating reason that will help you regain control when things seem unfair. 

Why things seem unfair

The most important thing to know is that our brains act like fact-checkers, always on the lookout for what it considers as fairness. It’s not just a preference our brain has; it’s a fundamental need.

Because fairness is a primary need for the brain, a sense of fairness can create a strong reward response.  Your brain responds to its interpretation of being treated fairly the same way it responds to winning money or eating chocolate.

On the flip side, a sense of unfairness can generate a threat response that can last for days.  This threat response is your brain’s way of protecting your survival, often preparing you for a fight or flight response.

In other words, when your brain perceives something as unfair, it triggers a defensive response. It’s your brain saying, “Warning.  This could be dangerous!”

I’ve mentioned this before on the podcast, but our primitive brain, the part that runs our life 80 – 90% of the time, has been with us since humans lived in caves.  The issue is that this part of our brain’s ancient survival instincts hasn’t quite caught up with the intricacies of modern living.

That’s why it’s important to understand that our brains have this default setting to, more often than not, see situations as potentially unfair, acting like an overly cautious friend warning us about possible bumps in the road. This tendency goes way back to when our ancestors needed to be on high alert for survival. 

The problem is that the primitive part of our brains haven’t fully adjusted to the nuances of today’s world. So, even something minor, like traffic or a coworker that’s slacking, can trigger this ancient survival mode, interpreting it as an unfair, dangerous situation.

Unfortunately, living in a world that seems inherently unfair is like navigating a maze with a blindfold on. Your brain, in its attempt to keep you safe, often interprets various aspects of daily life as potential threats. 

From minor inconveniences to more significant challenges, it’s like viewing the world through glasses tinted with the color of unfairness. 

That’s why understanding why our brains lean towards unfairness is crucial. Sometimes, this inclination goes into overdrive, making the world seem more unfair than it truly is. 

Think of it like untangling a ball of wires and charger cords.  By recognizing where these mental entanglements arise, you’ll be better able to restore balance and harmony.

What happens when things seem unfair

Now, let’s talk about what happens when our brains think something’s not fair – it’s like the ripple effect after dropping a pebble in a pond.

First, have you ever noticed how complaining can become a habit? In episode #20, I talked all about how complaining affects your intelligence so make sure you check that out.

The thing is that when we convince ourselves that life is a series of unfair events, it’s like playing a never-ending sad song. This constant complaining isn’t just background noise; it can become a never-ending tune that we listen to, day in and day out.   

Start picturing your brain like the person in the front seat controlling the radio dial in your car, only allowing sad songs to be played.  Because it’s always scanning for things that it can interpret as unfair and seemingly dangerous, it makes it challenging to switch to a more uplifting radio station.

The truth is that believing that everything is stacked against us can negatively affect our view of the world. . 

Suddenly, people seem more difficult, situations appear insurmountable, and life feels like a perpetual storm. The truth is that recognizing how our minds shape our outlook is crucial because altering this perspective can be a game-changer in navigating life’s challenges.

For example, let’s say you’re at the grocery store, waiting in the express lane. Suddenly, someone with way more items than allowed hops in front of you. All of a sudden your brain goes from zero to annoyed or angry in seconds.  It’s as if your brain has a fairness referee blowing the whistle at every perceived violation.

In situations that feel unfair, your primitive brain leaps into action. It’s like having a vigilant body guard that spots potential threats everywhere. 

I remember during my own coaching session, I was complaining about some situations that I felt were unfair at work.  The coach said to me, “Who says things are supposed to be fair?”

That question stopped me in my tracks.  What if nothing has gone wrong?  What if life wasn’t meant to be fair all the time?  Then what?    .

The key for all of us is to be aware of how our minds react to unfairness. It’s not just about the situation; it’s about how we let it shape our emotions and, consequently, our behavior. 

You have to begin to pay attention when you believe something is unfair and notice your actions and reactions.  Are they helpful or useful?

It’s about navigating the balance between our brain’s automatic perception of unfairness and what would be a more helpful or useful interpretation.  .

What to do when things seem unfair

Now that you know why things seem unfair and what happens, let’s talk about shifting your lens from “unfair” to “understanding.”

This starts with differentiating between facts and opinions.  How do you do that?  Well, if the situation could be seen differently by different people, then it’s not a fact, it’s an opinion; even though it seems unfair.

When deciding whether something is a fact or an opinion, it’s helpful to know that a fact is often boring and neutral; an opinion is often more dramatic and creates an emotion.

Facts are indisputable and could be proven in a court of law.  On the flip side, opinions are subjective and open to interpretation. 

Understanding the difference between a fact and an opinion is incredibly important because while we typically cannot do anything about the facts in our lives, we do have control over our opinion or interpretation.

Examples of fact-based and opinion-based situations:

Fact #1: You’re assigned a specific project at work.

Opinion: I always get the challenging tasks. .

Fact #2: Your friend cancels plans.

Opinion: They prioritize other things over our plans; it’s not fair.

Fact #3: You receive constructive feedback on a presentation.

Opinion: Others get praised, and I always get criticized.

As you can see, these simple examples show you that your opinions shape how you perceive neutral facts in your life.  The amazing thing about having a human brain is that you also have a higher part of your brain that can question your opinion of the facts and can offer you a different perspective. 

Awareness is the key.  This is what I most want you to get from this episode – things aren’t inherently fair or unfair; it’s how your primitive brain is choosing to think about the facts of your life that creates the perception of fairness or unfairness.

If the belief that life is consistently unfair persists, you have to pause and ask yourself a very important question – is that belief serving me? It’s about challenging the automatic assumptions our brains make and deciding intentionally how we want to think about things in a way that’s helpful and useful.  

For example, here’s how each of those scenarios I shared would play out if you just let your  lower, primitive brain be in charge:

Fact #1: You’re assigned a specific project at work.

Opinion: “I always get the challenging tasks.”

Resulting Feeling: Frustration and resentment.

Unhelpful Actions: You’d probably complain about being assigned challenging tasks, procrastinate or avoid the project due to the perceived unfairness, and miss the chance to showcase your skills and grow professionally.

Fact #2: Your friend cancels plans.

Opinion: “They prioritize other things over our plans; it’s not fair.”

Resulting Feeling: Hurt and anger.

Unhelpful Actions: You might assume your friend intentionally prioritized other things without considering alternative possibilities, pull away emotionally, leading to potential strain in the friendship, and create negative stories about the friend’s intentions without seeking clarification.

Fact #3: You receive constructive feedback on a presentation.

Opinion: “Others get praised, and I always get criticized.”

Resulting Feeling: Defensiveness and resentment.

Unhelpful Actions: You might ignore constructive criticism and miss an opportunity for improvement, constantly compare yourself to others, leading to decreased self-esteem, and develop a resistance to feedback, hindering personal and professional growth.

In each case, the resulting feelings and unhelpful actions stem from the opinion your primitive brain made about the facts. By recognizing and questioning these opinions, you’re much better able to shift your perspective, leading to more constructive emotions and actions. 

You have to recognize when a victim mentality creeps in, acknowledge it, and then decide if that’s the role you want to play in the story of your life. 

Becoming a Smarter Accountant: Asking powerful questions

Here’s the thing about your brain: it’s like a Google search bar.  It loves answering questions.

But the most important thing to know is whether you’re asking an empowering question or a disempowering one.

For example, “Why does this always happen to me?” is disempowering.  “What can I do about this? Is empowering.

When something feels unfair, it’s easy to get agitated. But what if, instead of reacting, you responded with curiosity? 

I have found that the most powerful question you can ask yourself when things seem unfair is, “How can I see this differently?  It makes it possible for your higher brain to go to work looking for other optional ways to see the same exact fact, transforming frustration into curiosity..

I promise you, questions are the key that unlocks doors to new ways of thinking. By choosing the feeling of curiosity over frustration, you engage the higher, more rational part of your brain. 

Suddenly, the situation that seemed unfairly stacked against you becomes an opportunity to feel differently and behave differently.  

Using the examples I shared a minute ago, let’s see the effect of asking the question, “How can I see things differently?”:

Fact #1: You’re assigned a specific project at work.

Opinion: “I always get the challenging tasks.”

Question: “How can I see things differently?”

Alternative Thought: “Getting challenging projects could be an opportunity for growth and showcasing my skills.”

Resulting Feeling and Actions: Empowered, motivated, and ready to take on the challenge rather than feeling unfairly burdened. You would take initiative and be proactive in tackling tasks and challenges.  You’d be more focused and efficient at work, resulting in increased productivity.

Fact #2: Your friend cancels plans.

Opinion: “They prioritize other things over our plans; it’s not fair.”

Question: “How can I see things differently?”

Alternative Thought: “Life can be unpredictable, and they might have a valid reason for canceling. It’s not a personal attack.”

Resulting Feeling and Actions: Understanding, empathetic, and less hurt by not taking the cancellation as a reflection of their priorities.   You would recognize that life can be unpredictable, offer support and understanding if the person is going through challenging times, and understand that it’s not a personal slight but possibly a response to life’s demands.

Fact #3: You receive constructive feedback on a presentation.

Opinion: “Others get praised, and I always get criticized.”

Question: “How can I see things differently?”

Alternative Thought: “Constructive feedback is an opportunity for improvement, and everyone receives it. It’s not about comparison; it’s about continuous growth.”

Resulting Feeling and Actions: Open-minded, motivated to improve, and less inclined to see feedback as a personal criticism.  You would probably identify specific areas for improvement highlighted in the feedback, take proactive steps to enhance skills, and seek additional guidance or mentorship to further understand and address the feedback.

By questioning the initial thoughts and considering alternative ways of thinking of things, you can shift your emotional response from frustration and feeling unfairly treated to more positive and constructive feelings. 

This process is much more empowering than labeling things as unfair.  It helps in fostering resilience, personal growth, and a healthier mindset in various situations.

Instead of just seeing one side and assuming your perception is the only way to look at something, try turning it around. If a situation feels unfair, consider the other perspectives involved. 

Embracing different angles broadens your understanding and paints a fuller picture. For instance, in a disagreement, considering the other viewpoint can unveil insights you hadn’t considered, creating a more collaborative approach.

The truth is that, if you always see situations as unfair, you’re instructing your brain to find more examples of unfairness. But by choosing different perspectives, you rewrite the script. 

It’s like becoming the director of your life rather than just a passive audience member.  

The next time your knee-jerk response is to label something as unfair, think twice.  There may be something you are missing that could make a difference.

Remember, asking the question, “How can I see things differently?” will help you to engage that higher, rational brain, giving you a much better result.

Well, that’s what I have for you.  Thank you for joining me as I shared how to handle when things seem unfair.  I hope you’ve gained valuable insights and practical tools.

If you are struggling with any aspect of being an accountant, you can simply go to www.thesmarteraccountant.com/calendar and book a free session with me.

I’ll explain The Smarter Accountant 6-week Program and how you can apply it to whatever you’re struggling with.

That’s what I have for you, but make sure you check back each week as I help you go from being a stressed accountant to a Smarter Accountant.

Make sure you go to www.thesmarteraccountant.com and take The Smarter Accountant Quiz. You’re going to want to know if you’ve been underutilizing your accountant brain so that you have a starting point for becoming a Smarter Accountant..

Also, I would appreciate it if you could get the word out to other accountants about this podcast.  The more accountants find out about it, the more we can begin to change the narrative in the accounting profession.

The truth is that you’re already smart, but this podcast will show you how to be smarter.